Dark Night of the Soul

While waiting for my wife to have dinner together, I would pick up a magazine or two (yes, it takes that long for my wife to arrive) to read. I bought Time magazine which featured the story of Mother Teresa and Newsweek which featured the story on the search for Osama Bin Laden.

I do not plan to discuss politics, I am more interested in the commonality between the two. Their unswerving “raison d‘etre”. I am a little envious at times in the strength of their faith.

I am awestruck by those who voluntarily sacrifice their life in the service of God. It is simply mind boggling about the motivation that led some people to choose to abandon the world in the hope of satisfying the unknown.

I cannot do any better than to quote Victor Hugo in describing the lives of those who took a leap of faith :-

"We, who do not believe what these women believe, but who, like them, live by faith,--we have never been able to think without a sort of tender and religious terror, without a sort of pity, that is full of envy, of those devoted, trembling and trusting creatures, of these humble and august souls, who dare to dwell on the very brink of the mystery, waiting between the world which is closed and heaven which is not yet open, turned towards the light which one cannot see, possessing the sole happiness of thinking that they know where it is, aspiring towards the gulf, and the unknown, their eyes fixed motionless on the darkness, kneeling, bewildered, stupefied, shuddering, half lifted, at times, by the deep breaths of eternity".

Therefore it became as a surprise when I read in the news that a new book will be published soon entitled, “Mother Teresa : Come Be My Light”, consisting primarily of correspondences between Mother Teresa and her superiors. Towards the end of her life, she suffered deep spiritual pain, doubting at times whether there is anything beyond the physical.

Agonisingly beautiful, she wrote :-

"But as for me –
The silence and the emptiness is so great –
that I look and do not see, - Listen and do not hear, -
my tongue moves in prayer but does not speak."

On reading it, one could almost feel the excruciating pain she suffered. But that begs the question, why and how that could have happened ? Perhaps the reality she faced daily caused her to question her faith. Unaswered prayer perhaps ?

“Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find.
Knock and it will be opened to you”

Some of the best literature ever wrote deals with precisely that million dollar question, about faith and doubt. In one favourite work of mine, The Brothers Karamazov, the author juxtaposed 2 polar opposite characters. It is as if the author is trying to reconcile his faith and his disbelief and funneled such thoughts through 2 characters which is essentially his alter ego. The primary source of doubt which plagued Dostoyevsky was his struggle to reconcile the suffering evident in the world and the notion of a loving God.

Theodicy has been a preoccupation of mine and which is why the story of Prophet Job is the most satisfying although mystifying at the same time, as confusing as that may sound. The dichotomy of good and evil. Why good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Ever encountered good natured individuals trying to comfort you in your time of grieve and seek to explain to you the mysteries of the unknown. It's between whether such random act of misfortune must be a silver lining or that it is a punishment for your transgression.

"Who is this that darkeneth counsel
by words without knowledge?

Gird up now thy loins like a man;
for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me"

We live in strange time. God has been bandied around by good men and evil men to justify all sorts of act, such is the vanity of man. Humility these days is a precious commodity in men who preach the sanctity of God.

People like Mother Teresa and Osama Bin Laden, as odious and contemptuous such pairing maybe to some, are perfect illustrations of what I am trying to figure out…the motivation, unflinching belief … in the unknown, in the abyss of faith.